1.
We don't like televisions in our bars.
Watching television is a passive activity that tends to prevent people
from communicating with each other. Television is a distraction from
life. If you want to watch television, stay home. Come out
in public and strike up a conversation with the person who has planted
their pants on the bar stool next to yours. Exercise your brain a
bit before killing it off with a tasty Monkey Gland or a Poor
Liza. Pay attention to your drink, and to your surroundings, not
to the glowing box of lies. Discover someone else’s point of
view. Participate in life.
2.
Rose's lime juice and any brand of sour mix are the work of Beelzebub.
This stuff is too sweet, does not taste at all like anything that ever
resembled an actual piece of fruit, and is full of high-fructose corn
syrup, which as far as I am concerned is cancer in a bottle.
Use fresh juices in all of your drinks. Squeeze those limes and
lemons.
Yes, it takes longer. Yes, it costs more.
Are you going to do this properly or aren't you?
3.
You know those nasty-ass squirt guns that soda pop and fake fruit
juice comes out of in a lot of bars?
Fine for the McCocktails, but those squirty things are disgusting, as
are virtually all of the products that come out of them.
It is no coincidence that the big metal containers that are hooked to
the other end of that hose all look like nuclear waste disposal units.
Do you really want to drink that stuff?
4.
If you change the drink, change the name.
It's cool to make up your own things, but don't pass 'em off as the
classics if they're not.
Anyway, then you can say you invented it, and you'd more or less be
right.
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5.
Both an exception and a reinforcement of #4: The Martini.
A Martini is either a Gin or Vodka, and some Vermouth.
That is all.
The former is called a Martini.
The latter is called a
Vodka Martini.
Two drinks, two names.
Garnish choices: olive or twist.
That gives a total of four variants.
That is all, there are no more.
Get your stinking hands off of that bottle of Creme de Cacao, you
damned dirty ape!
6.
Music played too loudly is just noise.
7.
I know that your doorman has a hard job. He has to deal with
throwing
out the jackasses, keeping the riffraff out to begin with, carding the
youngins so that you don't get shut down, and managing a line
outside. But he is also the first employee that your regular
customers
encounter. If he is snooty and self-important, or is nothing but
a
stinky big gorilla, that reflects really badly on your
establishment.
Think it over.
"Sir
Rhosis of the Liver"
by Lisa Pangborn

8.
'Flair Bartending' isn't going to impress anyone worth impressing.
If your bartenders want to flip a shaker over their
shoulder, that's
all well and good, but there had better be a damned good drink in that
shaker.
And come to think of it, in every bar I have ever been to that were
making truly excellent drinks, the bartenders were waaaay to busy
squeezing lemons and measuring bitters with an eye dropper to worry
about excess prestidigitation.
Conversely, in every bar I have ever been to that
featured bartenders
who
were more influenced by Tom Cruise than Dale Degroff, the cocktials
seemed to consist of four randomly selected DeKuyper products mixed
with well
Vodka.
Need I say more?
First and foremost: good drinks.
9.
What we DO love in bartenders are people who are passionate about their
craft: making great drinks.
If they like to chat about it on slow nights, and maybe get us hip to
something new and interesting hiding out in one of those unexplored
bottles, that's very cool too.
See our Manifesto for more details.
10.
Still reading?
Good, I'll have another Bebbo please.
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