Cocktail Snob - quality matters!

The Hemingway Bar in the Ritz Hotel in Paris has been called the best bar in the world.

The bartenders there have also been called the best in the world.

Cocktails start at €26 (about $38.24).

At that price, the drinks had better be good!
No, not just good... exquisite.

But let's back up before we discuss the libations.

The Hemingway Bar is in the Ritz Hotel, a bastion of excess, conspicuous wealth, and borderline kitschy 17th century decor. You can't get into the place for under $800 per night, and that is for a Tuesday in January (I checked). Plan on spending well over a grand for their smallest room most of the time. And really, what on Earth can they possibly be providing for you at that rate? There is only so much that a hotel can grant their guests during a 24-hour stay to justify the price. A quiet, clean, comfortable room with an attentive staff is worth paying for, but at what point do we get into a zone of diminishing returns? I can't pinpoint the exact dollar value, but that diminishing point does occur well under the $800 per night mark, I promise you. Hell, even those hotels in Tahiti that are on stilts over the water with glass floors are cheaper than the Ritz. And those places are giving you something truly cool for your cash.

Honestly, for what the Ritz charges, I want unlimited free booze, a nice meal on the house, a free loaner Aston Martin, and a friendly hooker who looks like a young Ava Gardner... and who brings a friend with her that looks like Rita Hayworth. Only better.

Barring these unlikely amenities, I can't possibly imagine what could possibly make it worth paying $800... or $2000... a night just to crash at a hotel. The only conclusion I can draw is that they charge this kind of cash to keep the riff-raff out, so that the rich and famous have somewhere to stay that will insure their privacy. Of course, this also creates a mystique, so that all of the honeymooning chumps think that they're getting bragging rights and scoring points with their new brides by slumming in the Ritz's smallest closet of a room. All they are actually doing is being duped into emptying their wallets out for a hotel that could be just as nice as it is (if you like Louis the MCDXLVMII decor) and which could easily provide just as good customer service as they do, at a quarter of the price. I know this because I have been in hotels that do provide just as much luxury, and just as good customer service at a quarter of the price of the Ritz.

I have to admit that I didn't stay here (surprise), but walking through the lobby, I saw nothing but the sort of tacky excess that had already gone out of style last time that France had a king. Everything gilded and carved, and stylized, every inch covered with patterns and colors... thank the powers that be for movements like Nouveau and Deco that introduced the clean lines, minimalism, and quiet understated elegance that still permeates all good interior design to this day. Modernism. Hooray for modernism!

So anyway, apparently Hemingway liked to drink here, and the hotel eventually named a small bar in the back corner of the hotel after him. The bar is more cozy and less opulent than the rest of the building, with a fireplace, wood paneling on the walls, and a small bar that seats about eight. There are a handful of tables in the room with the bar, and then up a few stairs is another small room with four more tables. All of the walls are covered with Hemingway memorabilia, natch. There are all sorts of unread books on shelves as well.
The menus look like newspapers, with each 'article' describing a drink of a group of drinks.

I came here after a long day of exploring the nearby Louvre (my first of four visits, and I didn't even see it all!), and I was truly ready for a terrific drink.

Slightly disappointed at not getting a seat near the bar (I love talking to the bartenders while writing reviews for this web site - it really adds a tremendous insight to chat with these people and watch them do their thing, close up), I sat with Gal Friday on the upper level. Our waiter brought over little silver dishes full of nuts (what, no pate?) and potato chips (what, no caviar?), and glasses of water (what, no champagne?). I wanted to study the menu a bit, but our waiter was a bit pushy in pestering us for our drink orders.

Gal Friday and I eventually settled on a Mach 2 and a Doghouse.
One was a gin drink and the other was whiskey-based.
By coincidence, both also contained Chartreuse.

The drinks arrived promptly, and looked great.
Both were nice sized drinks (at least they're not skimpy with the pours here), and tasted good.

Yes, they tasted good.

Not great.
Not excellent.
Not amazing.

But good.

At any other bar, I would have been very satisfied with these cocktails, but under no circumstances would I ever rave about them.

Best bar in the world?
No, it is a good bar.
Maybe very good.

Best bartenders in the world?
I didn't have an opportunity to chat with them, but their product was also merely good to very good.
Nothing that would make me throw about words like 'excellent', let alone 'best', at all.

And at this price point?
Forget it.

Let those with lots of cash and no taste continue to piss their lucre away; this is not for me.

Is it possible that we went on an off night?
Sure, that is always a possibility.
Is it possible we ordered the two worst drinks on the menu?
Sure, that is always a possibility.
Is it possible that we'll visit again and give Hemingway Bar another chance?
Sure, that is always a possibility.
But at the quality versus the price point, it is a rather slim possibility.

The following reviews are Cocktail Snob 'bonus content'.
These are places that we have checked out and which bear mentioning for one reason or another -- even if the drinks aren't necessarily exceptional (they may range from poor to very good; see individual reviews for specifics).

La Rhumerie
166 Boulevard St. Germain, Paris, France
back to cocktail snob

November, 2007
v1.0
Cocktail Snob review by James Teitelbaum

I asked my friend Nicolas, the most trustworthy Cocktail Snob field agent in all of France, where the best pace in Paris to get a cocktail might be.

He looked a bit uncomfortable.

"I have never had a good cocktail in Paris" he stated, flatly.
He has lived there his whole life.

What about Hemingway Bar, I asked, not having been there yet.
He looked uncomfortable and mumbled something about it being for special occasions.

What about La Rhumerie, I asked, not having been there yet.
Always the gentleman, and unwilling to say anything negative, he said that they can make a good basic rum punch, but that they can't do anything better than that.

I decided to find out for myself.

Gal Friday and I hit La Rhumerie on a Saturday night, and found it a bit crowded. The bar itself seats maybe six, so once again we had to confine ourselves to a booth. The atmosphere is very low-key; decor is kept to a minimum. We saw some nice looking food being served to some nice looking girls, while men with big cigars looked on appreciatively.

Perusing the forty-odd cocktails on the menu, Gal Friday asked for a La Violette (€6.70, or about $9.85, and made of rum, Creme de Casis, Sirop de Violette), and I asked for the cocktail of the day as posted on a chalkboard. Our waitress told us that the drink was merde, and suggested something better, a tropical called Les Saint Francois (among the most expensive cocktails at €8.10, or about $11.91 and consisting of rum, coco, pineapple, passion fruit juice, and banana). I went for it.

The drinks were rather mediocre, proving once again that Nicolas is a trustworthy lieutenant.
However this price point is reasonable for Paris, and on a good night with a good bartender, it isn't hard to imagine something drinkable being served at La Rhumerie.

Forgetting the cocktails for a triple sec, let's talk straight: La Rhumerie does have a nice list of about forty rums at €7.20 to €11 ($10.59 to $16.18) per 4 cl. (1.35 ounces). The bulk of these rums are from Martinique, and are accented with products from Cuba, Brazil, Jamaica, Barbados, Madagascar, and a few other places. It is a fairly nice list, and contains different selections entirely from what one might see in North America. This is a wonderful opportunity to try some rums that are not available at home, even if a few favorites like Pampero, Ron Zacapa, Matusalem, and Dilpomatico are missing. That is quite all right: when traveling I will take the mystery option every time.
The rum list is complemented with a short list of whiskies and a few cordials and aperitifs.

The sharp-eyed reader (as opposed to the pie-eyed reader) will note a second menu consisting of cigars and rare rums.
The rare rum menu features another fifteen rums that max out at €52 ($76.48) for 4 cl. of a 1970 Clement.
This menu also offers flights of four rums at €12 to €26 ($17.65 to $38.24).

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Last updated on December 12, 2007

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